Pastor David Maier - Fighting Forward!

Sex and the Christian Marriage

This past Sunday afternoon I had the privilege of speaking to the adult youth leaders, church leaders and parents at the Mid-Michigan Purity Rally at Our Savior Lutheran Church in Lansing, MI.  Bill Yonker, close friend, noted Youth Speaker, and Pastor at Immanuel Lutheran Church in Dundee, IL, was the featured speaker for the Youth.  He also was the preacher for Our Savior's Reformation Services, also celebrated on November 1.  Of course, God used him mightily in both venues.

In my research while preparing for my presentation to the adults I came across an article at crosswalk.com written by contributing editor Betsy St. Amant.  It was entitled "Sex and the Christian Marriage ."  The title is a hyper link that will take you directly to the article ... but it is also reprinted here.  It is an excellent, candid and informative article that is well worth the read ... for those who are dating, those contemplating marriage, and those married, whether they are "veterans" or in the first years of marriage.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I.

Please leave your comments below.  It would be great to get a discussion going.

"Sex and the Christian Marriage" by Betsy St. Amant

I’ve been married for almost three years now, and finally, I no longer blush bright red when the word “sex” is mentioned out loud. 

It’s more of a faint pink tinge.  

Growing up, sex wasn’t talked about very much. Not at home, not with family, and certainly not in church! There, the very mention of the word would have turned ears to scarlet and had the deacons popping antacid pills. Sure, every year the youth group did a “True Love Waits” program, but we never got down to the real nitty-gritty. We dutifully signed cards and pledged to “wait for true love and marriage” - whatever that meant.  

Many Christian youth today are in the same rapidly sinking boat. They have plenty of questions, but not enough people willing to give answers. Or worse, the wrong kind of people are giving the wrong kind of answers.  

For those getting no answers, sex turns into "This Great Mystery." Lack of information inspires intrigue and sex becomes even more appealing. The lure of the unknown consumes the mind, and much like Eve, regret blooms after one taste of the forbidden fruit.  

How many young men and women could have been protected if they had just been told that sex was not some guilty pleasure denied them, but rather, a part of God’s plan for their future marriage and well worth the wait? How many babies could have been saved if only these young girls had realized not just the negative consequences of sex outside marriage but the positive truth about sex within marriage?  

Silence Outside Marriage, Confusion Within  

After the wedding, one of the hardest things for young Christian couples to adjust to is the fact that sex is suddenly - okay! All the years of silence on the “forbidden topic,” all the years of feeling guilty for asking questions, all the years of wondering and dreaming, all the years of thinking sex as a "four letter word," suddenly diminish. Sex is expected, allowed, and not only that, but – gasp – it’s a part of God’s plan!  

During their most formative years Christian teenagers, especially young girls, are often expected to push the topic of sex aside. The good girls are the ones that sign their pledge cards, sit on their hands when dying to ask questions, and polish their purity rings once a week.  

However, I think those years are equally hard if not harder for young men. Those who remain pure during the trying years of hormone overload get married and suddenly expect to experience everything they’ve seen on TV, read in books, or heard in the locker room at school. And why wouldn’t they? It’s all they know.  

Suddenly, we have two Christians who’ve done their best to remain pure but may be facing some challenges ahead. Because the mindset “sex is bad” has been drilled into the young woman’s mind for as long as she can remember, she finds it hard to relate to her husband physically. This creates tension between the newlywed couple. The woman creates a false sense of guilt in her head, and the young man develops insecurity – he misreads the situation and assumes something is wrong with him or thinks he is not appealing to his new wife. And what God has purposed for good between a husband and wife becomes distorted.

The couples who failed to protect their purity may be facing even greater challenges. Flashbacks from the past, unmet expectations, and recurring guilt plague this couple. Soon distance forms between the man and woman as their pasts begin to consume much of their emotional energy.  

I firmly believe that nothing makes the Enemy happier than a loveless marriage. Which leaves only one option – fighting back. Stand up for your marriage. Give your concerns, your guilt, your insecurities, your fears and your past to God. If you remained pure until your wedding day yet still struggle with your emotions and mindsets, pour out your heart to God. Ask Him to change your way of thinking to a mindset that will be honoring and pleasing to both Him and your husband.

If you made a sexual mistake in your past, you can still move on. Confess to God, ask Him to forgive you, and make it right from here on out. It’s never too late for a fresh start. God is a God of second chances. You have no excuse as to why you can’t fight back and save your marriage from the Enemy’s grasp.  

The Subtlety of the Serpent  

If the above issues aren’t a problem for you, and you consider your marriage to be on track physically and emotionally, there are still many danger signs to watch for. The old adage “Sex Sells” is unfortunately all too true.  Sex remains dominant everywhere you look. Movies, television shows, sitcoms, novels, websites, advertisements, commercials…even the “family” channels on TV promote filth in disguise. Characters in both television programs and books sleep together before they’re married and promote “casual sex.” These shows are often humorous on a superficial level (hence their draw!) but they fail to show the emotional, and usually physical, consequences of such flippant choices.  

This is obviously an extremely dangerous situation, not only to our youth of today but to married couples everywhere. How can we save our spouse from temptation from such filth when it’s everywhere? How can we protect our eyes and ears when it seems sex is plastered all over any form of entertainment? Are we supposed to never see movies? Never turn on the television set? Never pick up a novel? Never venture outside of our house?

There are some precautions that are easy to take. For example:  

1. Before seeing a movie in theaters, I always check out this website: www.kidsinmind.com. This site has a rating scale of 1-10 on sexuality, violence, and language. Not sure what number on the scale is suitable for you or your spouse? You can read on for a detailed account of each category. (2 religious profanity, 3 mild obscenities, 4 F-words, a woman wears a low-cut dress, etc.) This website archives movies back for literally decades if not older – so you can check out not only movies currently released in theater, but old rentals, as well.
    
   
2. Ladies, if you love reading romance novels but hate having to flip past the graphic love scenes – switch over to Christian Fiction. Christian fiction is a growing genre and provides readers with a clean version of the same romance, adventure and escape they seek. Visit my blog for a list of fantastic Christian authors of whom I am a fan:  www.betsy-ann.blogspot.com.

3. Turn off the TV! Some shows are still worth watching but to be honest, not that many. Spend that quality time with your spouse, instead. Take the dog for a walk together. Pretend to be kids again and go play in the neighborhood park. Work together on a goal or project – update a room in the house, start your spring cleaning, cook a gourmet meal, etc.

There are ways to protect your mind and your spouse’s. Filth going in will eventually come out creating painful, lingering consequences. A wife doesn’t want to wonder if her husband is comparing her to the partially or completely naked woman he saw on the big screen last night. A husband doesn’t want to guess if his wife finds him as attractive as the buff, long-haired hero in the romance novel she devoured that afternoon.  

Allowing these insecurities in your spouse is not pleasing to God. As an act of love for both your Heavenly Father and your husband/wife, watch what you put into your mind. You might think it doesn’t affect you, but it does. No one is immune to sin. “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8.  

One of the enemy’s greatest tricks is that of subtlety. You give an inch, he’ll take a mile. But you can beat him at his own game – with a lot of prayer and altering of your entertainment habits.  

Take these steps toward a healthier marriage today. Filter what you pour into your mind – it’ll eventually seep into your heart. Be sensitive to the emotional and physical needs of your spouse. And remember, within the constraints of marriage, sex is not a four letter word but a unique blessing from God. “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights …” James 1:17

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A Mighty Word of Encouragement to a Grandson from his Grandparents

Someone asked me recently about the “Health Updates” that used to be online from when both my son Joel and I were sick.  I know that they were on a different blog with a different company and I am not sure that I will be able to get them back.  However, this individual specifically asked about the letter we published that was sent from Joel’s grandparents (my parents) to encourage him after he could not attend a family gathering.  He was, at that time, very sick from his routine of daily radiation and still had roughly three more weeks of radiation treatments which closely followed upon his successful brain tumor surgery at the University of Michigan (and preceded his year and a quarter of chemo treatments).

We still have that letter … and it is reproduced below with hopes and prayers that it will encourage anyone going through a difficult time in their life.  Notice the continual dependence upon and use of the Holy Scriptures, the inspired, powerful Word of God.  I am very thankful to God, as is Joel, that my parents wrote this letter.  May it bless you as well.

WALTER A. MAIER
12017 Westwind Drive
Fort Wayne, Indiana 46845
(260) 637-5170

November 10, 2004

Mr. Joel D. Maier
2573 Ayrshire Dr.
Lansing, Michigan 48911-6489

Dear Joel:

Greetings from Fort Wayne, and Grandma and Grandpa Maier!  We’re sorry that you weren’t able to attend yesterday’s banquet in Lansing, but grateful that you’re feeling much better after your visit to the hospital and reception of the intravenous nourishment.  The Lord be praised for this blessing!

Your not being present with your family and friends at the banquet is simply a part of the whole trial that God has permitted to come into your life at this time.  We’re sure that the questions have arisen in your mind:  “Why?” “Why me?”  This is very understandable, and we all wonder about the same thing (Why Joel?).  In our consternation it is well for you, and us all, to remember the words of Jesus, who said – and His statement is applicable also to a situation like yours – “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this,” John 13:7 (NKJV).  For the present, however, we have the magnificent assurance penned by the apostle Paul, Romans 8:28, that “All things work together for good to those who love God.”  This must be our confident trust under all circumstances, even when we cannot fathom our Heavenly Father’s dealings with us at a given troubled time.

Through your faith in our Savior Jesus, kindled already when you were baptized, you have been and are wholly righteous in God’s sight, your sins have all been forgiven.  Our Heavenly Father has loved you with an everlasting love.  Already in eternity, before there was a world and there were people populating it, He chose you to be His own dear child, His beloved son, the apple of His eye.  He determined that you would live on earth to His glory.  For this reason nothing but His goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life, and you can exult with the Psalmist David, “I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

All of our Heavenly Father’s loving concern for you means also this, that, painful as your ordeal at times may be, God will never give you more of suffering than you are able to endure.   Therefore, never give in to the evil of discouragement.  Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:13:  “God is faithful, who will not allow you to e tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”   This is the apostle who experienced a “thorn in the flesh” (we don’t know what this serious affliction was), which the Lord saw fit not to remove from Paul.  Instead, He gave him the power to go on in his ministry despite his plaguing problem, granting him this guarantee:  “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness,” 2 Corinthians 12:9.  Paul found this divine promise to be true and declared in the following verses:  “Therefore most gladly I will rather boast of my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities … for Christ’s sake.  For when I am weak, then I an strong.”

Elsewhere Paul wrote, “I can do all things through (literally, in union with) Christ who strengthens me," Philippians 4:13.  Your faith in Jesus will enable you daily to make the same triumphant exclamation!  That loving God pledges to you:  “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” Hebrews 13:5.  Again:  “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you.  I will uphold you with My righteous right hand,” Isaiah 41:10.  Again:  “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me,” Psalm 50:15.  What mighty, blessed assurances of the Word of God!

There is one difference, we may add parenthetically, in Paul’s situation and yours.  Whereas Paul had to continue dealing with his thorn in the flesh, yours will – God granting His benediction – have a terminus in due time.  When all your treatments are finished, by His grace your health will thereafter be fully restored, with the terrible, debilitating cancer banished forever from your body.  We all give thanks to the Lord for this!

Our prayers and those of many, many other persons known and unknown to you are with you each morning and evening.

With much love,

Grandma & Grandpa

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Following Up On the "PRIORITIES ..." Post

There are many things that distract us from our seeking God first! ... especially in this technological age.  Putting the best construction on everything ... we readily admit that God, time with God in His Word, Church, reading about God, praying, etc., is not only important to our spiritual life .. BUT OUR DAY JUST GOES BETTER WHEN HE IS #1!

But there are emails to check and answer (when it works), twits to tweet, Facebook to keep up, IM's to instantly message on, ... and Oh, yeah, the home or office phone to answer, SKYPE on your computer, cell phone calls, etc.

Communication ... presents some amazing challenges for just about everyone.  If your not careful ... the devil can be in these details.

Priorities and discipline seem to be in order.

An excellent article, rather Blog post, to read is entitled: The Tyranny of the Urgent:  An Effort at Breaking Bad Habits.  The title of the post is a hyper-link.  Just click it and it will take you directly to the post.

It is well worth the read!

Tell me what you think ... and leave a comment for the author as well.

Sincerely,

PM

Priorities ... What's FIRST is all important!

Maybe, like me, you find that often there never seems to be enough time in any given day.  There are so many things that we "need" to get done ... and then so many interruptions, diversions, or distractions.  Focus all too often unnecessarily gets shifted. 

We must remember that our heavenly Father already knows what we need (Matthew 6:32) in every area of life.  And the advice Jesus gives next is worthy of full allegiance and adherence.  But first ...

Sometimes what helps me is to do a little exercise that someone encouraged years ago.  At the END of any day just sit and write down everything you did.  EVERYTHING; every detail.  And then apply the following scale developed by Richard Foster:

    1 - Essential
    2 - Important but not essential
    3 - Helpful but not necessary
    4 - Trivial

First, thank God for how much actually did take place in your day; how much you did accomplish; how God was watching over you and leading you ... awesome!  (Yes, I know there are days when we just sort of get nothing done ...)  Even in the 'lack luster days' I think you will be amazed at ALL THE DETAILS.  But, if you are like me, you will also notice how much time you spent (using the scale above) on unnecessary and trivial things.  Normally, I also see that what I would classify as 'Essential' or 'Important' neither received the amount of time it should have nor the priority status necessary.

Such a list exposes how what we thought was important in our lives does not appear to be when closely examined.

God knows everything about us.  He knows the very number of hairs on our head ... all the way to the very number of the days that are still in our life.  He knows the details, even the trivia ... and yes, He is concerned about them.  So let God deal with it.  He is aware and He cares!

What God asks and encourages, however, is that we place Him at the top of our priority list.  Number 1!

And when we do -- through His constant influence and grace -- He promises to take care of EVERYTHING in our lives.  Matthew 6:33 assures, "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." 

What is Jesus promising?  That anything/everything that is important to the support of this body and life ... is His priority.  So don't lose focus, and DON'T WORRY! ... "about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

God is asking, encouraging, motivating, nudging ... that we focus on Him first! ... not all the details that normally preoccupy our life.  Give Him your best; trust Him with the rest ... all the other small stuff in life.

Here's what I've learned ... AND AM STILL LEARNING:  when you reduce your list to one priority, one detail -- and it’s God ... drawing close to Him, spending time with Him in His Word and also in conversation (prayer) FIRST -- every other detail falls into place.  Not always right away ... but always.  God IS faithful!

May I encourage you, that where God has not been sought first in your life ... repent.  Confess it before a gracious God as sin!  Call a spade a spade.  Then, in faith, receiving the blood bought forgiveness and righteousness of Christ, live confidently, boldly, differently ... keeping Him first ... in the strength that He also supplies. 

I truly believe that if we would keep at this every day and give all the small stuff of  life over to God – we would have a clearer and more effective focus in our lives.

I'm looking forward, in union with Christ, to the privilege of keeping Him first again.

Blessings,

PM

FAITHFUL!

“Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.” – Jesus

Tomorrow is Confirmation Sunday at Our Savior.  The Scripture chosen for the mediation for this special day is Revelations 2:8-10:  8 “To the angel of the church in Smyrna write:  These are the words of him who is the First and the Last, who died and came to life again.  9 I know your afflictions and your poverty—yet you are rich! I know the slander of those who say they are Jews and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan.  10 Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.

It turns out that Revelations 2:10 is my wife’s Confirmation verse as well as my youngest daughter’s, Hannah.  The verse itself, part of a brief letter written to the church at Smyrna, is a divinely power-filled call/encouragement from Jesus to the believers there to remain close to Him, to continue to believe, even when they suffer.  It is a similar power-filled call to each of us.

Dr. Joseph Stowell, former President of Moody Bible Institute, in commenting on this verse, tells the story of some children who remained faithful unto death.  (Simon, the brother who was our Sudanese pastor here, told us similar stories.)  In the southern half of the nation of Sudan, Christians are mercilessly being kllled. Men are lifted up on crosses in village squares and crucified to mock the Savior they worship and adore. Troops are coming in, loading Christians into flatbed trucks, driving them into the desert, and dumping them there with no supplies so they will fry in the desert.  For one crime -- they are followers of Jesus.

Stowell says that one of his best friends happened to be in the capital of a country like that, where most of the parents of the children there had been killed.  It’s a sick pattern:  kill the parents, make the children into Islamic converts, and then sell them as slaves.  His friend said he was walking through the capital of this country, and about 40 kids whose parents had been killed stood in the town square. The priest of the mosque came out, stood on a platform, and with a bullhorn told these kids to bow down to Allah and repeat a prayer of conversion after him.  All the kids went down … except one.  The kid looked to be eight or nine years old.

The mullah got angry and said, "You bow down.  I told you to bow down. If you don't bow down, I will kill you."  This child said, "I am a follower of Jesus Christ.  I cannot bow down."  The mullah motioned to the guards, and they plowed him down.  The kid dropped dead in a pool of blood.  As soon as the kid dropped, eight other kids stood up.  He said, "I'll kill all of you."  They didn't move.  Four of them were murdered.  Finally in anger he said, "You're not worthy of death.  Sell them all into slavery." 

That happened in 2006 here on planet earth.  The children said, "Even if it means death, I will not renege on Jesus.  I'll take up my cross and follow Him." 

Tomorrow we will again be fed by the Good Shepherd through His Word and the Holy Supper He provides.  This is the Good Shepherd who laid down His life for us that we might be His own.

As we listen to 16 young students make a solemn vow to remain faithful to Jesus even unto death, it will also be an opportunity for each of us to renew our vows to remain faithful to Jesus … even unto death … remembering 1 Thessalonians 5:24:  "The One who calls you is FAITHFUL and He will do it." 

TAKE A STAND / FIRE SOME SHOTS - It Happened on EASTER Day, 2009

My parents heard it on their way home to Ft. Wayne, and when they arrived to let us know they arrived there safely they also informed me, “Captain Phillips is safe!  We heard it on the radio on the way home.”

Remember that Captain Richard Phillips was captain of the Maesrsk Alabama that had been attacked by Somali pirates.

I immediately checked the internet and just as they said, he had been rescued and was safe.  And what a rescue it was.  “Three of the pirates were killed by the U.S. Navy SEALs and the fourth one is currently in custody.” Apparently, the Navy SEAL sharp shooters had done their work.

“Acting with President Obama’s authorization and in the belief that the hostage, Capt. Richard Phillips, was in imminent danger of being killed by captors armed with pistols and AK-47s, snipers on the fantail of the destroyer Bainbridge, which was towing the lifeboat on a 100-foot line, opened fire and picked off the three captors.”

Incredible story.  Incredible effort.  Incredible outcome.  And it all took place on Easter!

Hmmmm.

To summarize and give a slightly different application from an interesting post I recently read … this happened on Easter!  This episode is a great picture as to how the world, under the control of, and infused with evil by, Satan is daily attacking our faith, our beliefs, our values, our families, our children, our freedoms and is hell bent on taking us hostage and silencing our witness.

Scripture aptly describes Satan as a roaring lion constantly seeking whom he may devour.  (1 Peter 5:8) He incessantly uses every means possible to discourage our relationship with God – temptations, sin, guilt, shame, etc. – encouraging us to abandon God and our faith and give into the selfish desires of our sin nature, our flesh. 

Satan doesn’t want us to believe, grow in faith, share our faith and demonstrate our new life in Christ!  He wants us to ... die … eternally.

Affliction - A Teacher of Grace

There is an interesting passage of Scripture found in Hebrews 12:15.  (It should be a guideline for all our worship services ... and my sermons.)  Hebrews 12:15 reads, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." 

I think, perhaps, that there are many times that we miss out on the grace of God because we fear, and fret, and fuss, and even fume over difficulties when they come our way … and the bitter root can grow in our lives and relationships.  Paul’s admonition in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 is instructive:  “… give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

We need to remember that suffering and/or affliction always tests us.  Someone once commented, "You never know what's inside until you see what spills out when you are shaken up."  Often, suffering and affliction will show us how self-centered and self-focused we are.  That is not how we usually see ourselves.  Generally, our attitude is that we are doing pretty well.  Suffering strips off that veneer and shows us our true colors.

Affliction does not teach you about yourself from a textbook; it teaches you from experience.  It will always show you what you love – either the God of all comfort or the comfort that can become your god.  (2 Corinthians 1:3, 4)

The God of all comfort went willingly to Calvary's cross bearing all my sin, all my shame, all my sorrow, all my burdens and afflictions.  By grace through faith I have a Savior that not only has perfectly supplied my salvation but also can relate to everything I am going through. He is more than capable and ready to help in every time of need.  He is the star breather and the sin bearer.

May we grow to indeed “give thanks in all circumstances” lest we miss the grace of God, the God of all comfort, and the opportunity to comfort those in trouble.

Peace,
PM